A Nurse With Attitude

Where Dark Cynical Humor, Nursing Issues, and Politics Seem to Merge

Give the Doctor a Scalpel

    I work with surgeons every day.  Just a little warning about these guys, you can never make them happy,  or they can never be satisfied.  They all seem to be a little self centered with the emotional and temperamental development of a twelve year old.  Well, it’s like working with a really smart twelve year old, except with ADHD.

If you give a surgeon a scalpel, he’s also going to want a pick-up. “I’ll need that to be a Cushing pickup… no I want a DeBakey…   no I’ll have a…  Oh wait a minute…”  then he’ll remember that he always operates better with some music.
“Nurse, Can you put on the radio please, or some music. Do you have an I-pod connection?”
“Certainly, Doctor Bla-Bla. Do you want Rock?”
“No.”
“Classical?”
“No.”
“Easy Listening?”
“No.”
“Country?”
“Oh, God, no.”

Then he’ll suddenly remember that he has a Frank Sinatra CD in his car. He’ll want you to page the PA and ask him to run down and get it.
While you’re waiting, he’ll hum a few bars and show off a few dance moves to the scrub nurse. “Yes sir! I used to really cut the rug in my day.” He’ll say as he gives the nineteen year old scrub a wink.

While he’s dancing and flirting with (and distracting) your scrub, he’ll remember that he’s parked illegally. “Oh yea,  nurse… can  you page the PA again and see if he can move my car while he’s down there… I think I’m in a handicapped space”.
Suddenly, the first year resident makes a comment about being hungry. A spirited discussion takes off on where’s the best place for lunch.
“Chinese?”
“No.”
“Thai?”
“No.”
“Italian?”
“No, I had pizza yesterday.

Sandwiches?”

“Blah”

The surgeon will remember a Mediterranean restaurant that he likes… “Hey Nurse, you’ll have to page the PA again”… while he talks about the great hummus and vegetables. “Wait! I want brownies, too! Tell him to get brownies!”
To fill in the time, he’ll tell a story about the time he vacationed in Greece and lost the keys to the rental car on the beach and they had to walk 2 miles back to their hotel room and his wife was so mad she didn’t speak to him all day.

You get a call from the front desk.  It’s the PA finally back with 5 Frank Sinatra CD’s, the keys to his car, one pint of hummus, a carton of vegetables, 6 gyros, a 2 liter bottle of soda (it was a special), an extra pita,  and two types of brownies.  The charge nurse is wondering when your room will be finishing up.  As you discuss the events with the charge nurse, the Surgeon says…

“Hmmm. Now what was I going to do?”
The anesthesiologist looks out from behind his paperback and coughs, “Ahem”.
“Oh, yes. I was going to ask for a scalpel.”

 

 

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