A Nurse With Attitude

Where Dark Cynical Humor, Nursing Issues, and Politics Seem to Merge

Archive for the month “May, 2012”

Soda Regulation?

  First they came for cigarettes, but I don’t smoke …so I said nothing.

You didn’t really think your great leaders would stop there, did you? They want to help you help yourself.  In the name of  “war on obesity”  they are working harder than ever.

New York City plans to enact a far-reaching ban on the sale of large sodas and other sugary drinks at restaurants, movie theaters and street carts, in the most ambitious effort yet by the Bloomberg administration to combat rising obesity.

The proposed ban would affect virtually the entire menu of popular sugary drinks found in delis, fast-food franchises and even sports arenas, from energy drinks to pre-sweetened iced teas. The sale of any cup or bottle of sweetened drink larger than 16 fluid ounces — about the size of a medium coffee, and smaller than a common soda bottle — would be prohibited under the first-in-the-nation plan, which could take effect as soon as next March.

On a similar note, you local congressman  is in the process of voting on bill to tax fatty foods!  They want to tax McDonalds, Burger King and all fast food establishments for causing harm to our bodies!. My first question is, “why don’t they have the spine to tax the guys that actually prevent proper exercise, like Microsoft, Dell Computers, Sony Playstation, and X-Box.  Then I thought about it and came to my senses… hey what the heck are they doing?  Why don’t they leave us the heck alone?  Why don’t they just encourage a little “personal responsibility.”  Lets say, charge everyone a little more for their health care if they can’t maintain a normal BMI?  Throw it back on them… for crying out loud, everyone cannot be a victim.  If you want to eat, drink and be fat, it’s OK, but you will pay. Why punish everyone for a few people who can’t  maintain the will power to push away from the table and exercise a little?

You know something about the people in Washington…

They will never stop. You know that, right?

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Hump Day Humor

I know that I’ve been writing a lot lately about politics, so I promise to give it a holiday… starting with some medical  humor…

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a general surgeon?

Put it in the patients notes.

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from an orthopedic surgeon?

Put it in a textbook.

How do you hide a $100 from a CT surgeon?

Paste it to their kids forehead.

How do you hide a $100 from a radiologist?

Tape it to the patient.

How do you hide a $100 from an internist?

Put it under a dressing.

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a plastic surgeon?

It’s a trick question. You can’t.

 

What do you call someone half asleep watching someone half awake?  Anesthesiologist

Orthopedic Humor:

What do you call someone half asleep watching someone half awake?…  Anesthesiologist

Some Orthopedic Humor

What do you call 2 orthopedic surgeons looking at a ekg? – a double blind study

What is the purpose of the heart? – to get antibiotics to the bones

In an ortho meeting, how do you spot the academic orthopod? – He’s the one who’s knuckles arn’t touching the floor.

Whats the difference between a carpenter and an orthopod? – the carpenter probably knows more than one antibiotic.

The orthopedic surgeon — Strong as an ox, and TWICE as bright

 

Government protecting us

You know what you desperately need protection from? … Metal grill brushes.

That’s right. The federal government, as authorized by Article II, section 6,874 of the U.S. Constitution has the clearly enumerated power of protecting citizens from the ravages of the metal grill brush.  I wish I was creative enough to make this stuff up.

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) has called on the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to review whether metal grill brushes are safe for consumer use, after reports that some metal bristles broke off the brush and were swallowed, sending two men to the hospital.

“Metal bristles are one topping no one wants on their burger this holiday season,” Schumer said Tuesday. “Grilling season should be a great time for the whole family, not a time to be worried about an emergency visit to the hospital…..”

In a Monday letter to both agencies, Schumer called on both agencies to review the safety of these products, and to consider a product recall if necessary.

 

Failure of Multiculturalism

 I found this article on another blog and found it very interesting.

The Dutch government says it will abandon the long-standing model of multiculturalism that has encouraged Muslim immigrants to create a parallel society within the Netherlands.

A new integration bill, which Dutch Interior Minister Piet Hein Donner has presented a letter to the parliment : “The government shares the social dissatisfaction over the multicultural society model and plans to shift priority to the values of the Dutch people. In the new integration system, the values of the Dutch society play a central role. With this change, the government steps away from the model of a multicultural society.”

The letter continues: “A more obligatory integration is justified because the government also demands that from its own citizens. It is necessary because otherwise the society gradually grows apart and eventually no one feels at home anymore in the Netherlands. The integration will not be tailored to different groups.”

The new integration policy will place more demands on immigrants. For example, immigrants will be required to learn the Dutch language, and the government will take a tougher approach to immigrants to ignore Dutch values or disobey Dutch law. The government will also stop offering special subsidies for Muslim immigrants because, according to Donner, “it is not the government’s job to integrate immigrants.”

It’s about time!  How long will it take before the U.S. comes to the same conclusion?  As long as we are unable to use terms like “Easter Eggs” and “Merry Christmas” because it might be considered “offense”,  then we are on the wrong track and will see multiculturalism eventually destroy our nation.

Remembered on Memorial Day

 This weekend is set aside for remembering our fallen.  There are U.S. National Cemeteries all over the world. They are not just here inAmerica. The one is in the picture is in the Philippines. We have lost men in many places.

These are plain, stark memorials to those great men. Perhaps that is as it should be. Most of the men who died there were plain men, ordinary Americans who gave their lives protecting and defending an ideal. That idea is The United States of America. It has been a grand and wonderful experiment. It’s been grand because our country has become a leader of the world in a little over two hundred years. It’s been wonderful because we have made the world a better place.

Unfortunately, there are those throughout the world, including within our borders, who detest us for our successes. Unfortunately, many of our current leaders are among them.

Please, God, help our country rid itself of haters and those who would destroy. Help us to see the destroyers for what they are.   May we all live free, enjoying every breath of our liberty, and die free men of many years. With our blessed liberty, may we also be ever mindful that it was purchased at great cost by men better than ourselves, Amen.

 

Gun Safety

The Four Rules
1. All firearms are always loaded
2. Never let the muzzle of a firearm point at anything you are not willing to destroy
3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot
4. Be sure of your target and what lies beyond it

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The Five Rules of Concealed Carry
1. Your concealed handgun is for protection of life only.
2. Know exactly when you can use your gun.
3. If you can run away — RUN!
4. Display your gun, be prepared to go to jail.
5. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

Talking To The Police

 

I took  a friend to the range the other day to do some shooting. I went over the “four rules” and she said, “Hey, that’s pretty good stuff, why doesn’t anyone teach that?”   Which got me to thinking… and I decided to make gun safety post.

As an American, I practice the first and second amendment every day.   There are a lot of people that carry. Along with that, there are a lot of hazards that everyday people can get into. The whole Travon Martin fiasco for example.  It was clear that George Zimmerman was fighting for his life against a stronger, faster, yet unarmed man.  I am sure that poor George would have been just another guy killed by a black youth somewhere on the third page of the local news paper if he hadn’t fired that fatal shot.

I have some really good advice I took from my friends Xavier’s site:

http://xavierthoughts.blogspot.com/

The “four rules” is not original. They are universal. Every gun instructor, every shooter, every person that even owns a gun should have these four rules committed to memory.  Every single time someone gets shot “accidentally” by a hunting mistake or any negligent discharge, it is because of breaking one of these rules.

“The Five rules of Concealed Carry” could be original material from Xavier.  I don’t know. I thought that they were very good and very helpful.  I did obtain permission  to use them anyway.  And the last thing, is the video about not talking to the police.  This goes against everything that you were taught as a kid and respecting the police. I respect the police, but if I perceive myself getting into a legal issue, I clam up and save it for the judge or even better, a lawyer.  The video is kind of long, but it is really worth it.  Great advice!

How to Quantify Quality Nursing Care

I went to the Scappoose Oregon farmers market today. I like to go because its like a fair type event with lots of food and a live band playing.  Everyone in the community comes out to see every Saturday in downtown Scappoose.  In particular,  I wanted some fresh corn.  Although I get a 10% discount because my son works at Wal Mart,  the produce section is terrible.

“How much is the corn?” I inquired of the sweet farmer lady with the huge pickup truck bed full of corn.

“Six fo’ two dolla or a dozen fo’ tree,” she said.

I told her that six was plenty and handed her two bucks. She counted out eight ears and handed them to me in a used Wal Mart plastic bag.

“I think you gave me a couple more than I paid for,” I said, not wanting to cheat the lady out of 50 cents worth of corn.

“Oh, I knows,” she replied. “I did it own purpose. You took care of mama in the hospital. You did surgery on her over Christmas time when she done broke her hip. You brang me a blanket and some coffee  afta surgery and tode me and my boy all about mama and how da surgery went.  I jest wanted ta say thanks.”

A short discussion later I found out that mama was back at the farm, and doing quite well. In fact, if I come back next week for some more corn, I could talk to her myself, because “she’d prolly be there”. I said I would try to do so. I said my goodbyes, and went on my way.

So now you know. A cup of hot coffee and a warm blanket is worth two ears of corn.

And it was pretty good corn, too.

Obama Wants Romney’s Tax Records

President Obama’s re-election campaign is calling on Mitt Romney to release his tax returns dating back to the 1980s, according to The Wall Street Journal.

This is a bucket load of ridiculousness coming from the guy who has yet to release any of this…

1.Occidental College records and transcripts — Not released

2. Columbia University records and transcripts — Not released

3. Columbia Thesis paper — ‘not available’

4. Harvard University records and transcripts — Not released

5. Medical records — Not released

6. Illinois State Senate schedule — ‘not available’

7. Illinois State Senate records — ‘not available’

8. Law practice client list — Not released

9. Certified Copy of Original Birth certificate — Not released

10. Harvard Law Review articles published — None

11. University of Chicago scholarly articles — None

12. Record of Baptism — Not released or ‘not available’

13. Tax returns two years prior to becoming President of the United States – Not release.

But..everyone knows that it’s pure and simple racism if anyone were to ask the first Muslim… I mean first communist… I mean first black president to show us any of this stuff.

Gay History?

  Governor Jerry Brown of the great liberal state of California has signed a new bill into law requiring public schools to include the contributions of gay and lesbian people in their curriculum, making California the first state to adopt such a requirement. This new law requires public schools to include the role and contributions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans.

I wasn’t aware that anyone had excluded GLBT people from any of the history books. Show me a person who has historical significance, and I will show you a person who, in some sort, will be in a history text book. For example, I am not mentioned in any way, in any text book used in schools today. Why not?  Because I haven’t done anything to contribute to any sort of historical relevance. I’m fine with that. What this law will do, is take people who have no real relevance to history, and suddenly make them relevant.

Ok, class. Now let’s go back in time and discuss one of the most important people and contributions of our country’s history: Andy McDoogle. He was the man who invented naugahyde,  and guess what? He was gay!

This may not sound like a landmark decision, but it is.  I don’t have anything against gay’s lesbians or even transgender people, but mark my words; history will be cheapened and a lot of it meaningless and non-significant as a result. It will be about putting gays in the spotlight just for the sake of putting them in the spotlight. That is what this law is all about. Eventually, it will be a graduation requirement to take a Gay American History class in order to graduate.

I say, who cares who is what.  Black, White, Asian, Indian, fat, tall, bald, dumb, gay, straight… it doesn’t matter!  When we talk about Benjamin Franklin in school, do we mention that he was white? Or bald? Or fat? Do we mention he was straight and afflicted with syphilis? Does that have anything to do with his contributions to this country? No. And who is going to go back in history and find out which important figures were gay? And why would it be important to know anyway?

The implied tragedy is that we somehow exclude gays in history classes.  Many historians say Hitler was gay. I have a feeling that this is one person that wouldn’t be mention in the gay history classes. Does that mean we don’t teach anything about Michelangelo, William Shakespeare, Socrates, Walt Whitman? or Leonardo DaVinci?  I could go on, but you get the picture. Point is, we don’t exclude gays as it is. We merely discuss men and women with noteworthy, remarkable accomplishments. Being gay is not an accomplishment any more than being white or black, fat or thin, pretty, or ugly.  This is just plain wrong and I feel that, in the end, this will cause more harm to the gay rights cause, than it could ever possibly do good.  Making it a focus of historical study is both totally unnecessary, and counterproductive to serious historical study. In the long run, this will be yet another club used in simultaneously breaking down our society and the overall quality of public education in this country.

More than just another pretty face

  This is a shocking story (for me anyways).  This is quick recollection about when I was first exposed to the new strange culture of Oregon.  I was a relatively sheltered guy from Alabama. I did most of my career in hospitals in the South.  Charity hospital,  the VA hospital, and Oschner hospital  in New Orleans, Louisiana, MCV in Virginia and USAMC in Mobile Alabama… just to name a few.  I moved to Oregon and right away got a job in the PACU in a large university hospital.  It was still very early in my Oregon nursing career.  I already knew that this city was  a little strange.  I came in and got report.  The off going nurse said, “this is Erica, she’s my only patient. She’s due to go to the floor and transport has already been called.”  I asked, “is there anything I can do to help you get her going?”  Mark smiled and said as he finished up his paperwork, “well, how about you un-plug her from the monitors, then empty her foley drainage bag before transport gets here, and, oh yea,  can you check her catheter tubing for kinks, her urine output has been low this hour.”  I promptly agreed and went about my work.  I walked over to the bedside.  This girl looked to be in her early thirties. She had very nice curves and anyone could tell that she obviously very fit even through her hospital gown.  She had long thick red hair and bright green eyes.  She was stunningly beautiful… even for someone who had just been dragged through surgery.  Not to miss a chance to flirt just a little with an exceptional woman, I walked up and introduced myself and in return she gave me a large smile showing perfect teeth. We chatted a bit and she was very pleasant, intelligent and even a bit demure. I explained that I needed to disconnect her from the heart monitor and check her foley cath. She was very willing and pulled up her gown to assist or give me better access. In the open unit, I used her blankets to preserve her modesty as much as possible. She giggled as she realized what I was doing.  Once she was disconnected and I had peeled all the stickers off, I told her that I needed to check her foley. She promptly pulled up the sheet to aid in my easy access. I took one look down… only to find that this lovely lady had all guy plumbing down below.  I was shocked.  Although I tried with all my effort to maintain my composure, my mouth must have dropped because she laughed out loud. “Why, what on earth could be the matter?” she said  with a mischievous smile. I stuttered a bit and eventually managed to say, “well… you appear to be the most beautiful guy I think I’ve ever seen in my life”  She laughed again, this time she snorted a bit through her nose.  Then I heard Mark laughing behind me.  I knew then that I was the butt of a cruel joke on “the new guy.”  Apparently Mark and Erica had arranged this just before I got there.  I laughed with them and learned a little more about the weird Oregon culture at the same time.

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