A Nurse With Attitude

Where Dark Cynical Humor, Nursing Issues, and Politics Seem to Merge

Archive for the month “July, 2012”

Hump Day Humor!

  It’s Wed and I’m the Conscious Sedation nurse doing, guess what… urology again.  Today we have a 72 year old newly-wed. His happy 38 year old woman bride wants to have a baby.  Go figure.  It’s a sad day when you’re that old and still conceiving children… Unless of course,  your Abraham and your siring Isaac or even Ishmael.

Which brings me to the joke of the day…

A 83 year old man who came into the ER after sustaining injuries related to a jet ski accident.  The doctor said, “hey, your 84, you might think about slowing down a bit”

Patient:  “I’ll have you know, I’m as fit as a fiddle,  I happen to have a 28 year old wife who is 7 months pregnant. So what do you think of that?’

Doctor: “Well, I’m not sure…”

Patient: “What do you mean?”

Doctor: “Let me explain this with a story… There was this guy who went hunting every day. One day he got up late and was in a rush.  On the way out, he accidentally grabbed the umbrella instead of his gun.  On the way to his duck blind, he saw a beaver.  He thought, I could shoot this beaver and have a nice pelt to make the little woman some fur slippers.  He pulled up the umbrella and pointed it and squeezed the handle and BOOM, the beaver fell over dead.”

Patient:  “That’s impossible!”

Doctor:  “Finally… That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, someone else shot the beaver!”



Bizarre Medical News

  Yep,  in Urology again today.  Yep, vasectomy reversal.  However, I did discover something cool today.  I love it when something rather hum-drum can be magically converted into a cool learning experience.  I had an anesthesiologist, who has had several kids and eventually had a vasectomy preformed to correct that problem.  Soon after that procedure, he developed severe vertigo.   He was even on disability because he had profound nausea and headache couldn’t even walk with a steady gait.  After some research, it was concluded that  his vasectomy was the cause!  Now, I know what you’re thinking, and yes there are many potential jokes about “a buildup of pressure”  and “semen retention headache” or whatever. But that’s not it.  As it turns out this poor gentleman had a reaction to a particular type of protein that is found in sperm.  More specifically, the sperm tails that propel the sperm are made up of the same cellular structure  that make up the little hairs in your inner ear.  Or the cochlea.  The sudden accumulation, breakdown and absorption of old sperm caused a reaction that interferes with the workings of the little hairs in the cochlea produced vertigo.  This gentleman had a vasectomy reversal, which relieved his vertigo.  Simply crazy.  It’s great to be a part of a “research facility.”

More on Gun Control

 I had a dear friend, ( who is somewhat misguided) send me an e-mail in response to my last gun related post, saying, “I don’t think that anyone should own an AK-47”

Well, I am offended at this. I happen once be a “class 3 gun dealer.” I sold guns and had a working relationship with the local law enforcement and with the BATF. This happens to be a picture of two of my three sons at the range. One has a HK-93 and the other has a FN-FAL. Both Assault-rifles are chambered in .308 cal. which is far more powerful, shoots farther and more deadly than the horrific, dreaded AK-47. But because the ill informed, and the illiterates of the gun world do tend to watch movies, they naturally think that,  what Hollywood uses is the worst there is. Yes the AK-47 looks bad and does get bad press from Hollywood, but it is not even enough firepower to effectively kill a deer. I’ve gotten off topic. But this is the response to her letter, I thought I’d just go ahead and post:

I will throw down my guns and yet … even my AK-47 … if you can answer this one question… How would strict gun laws have prevented the tragedy in Colorado? I do believe that bombs are also illegal, aren’t they? But anyone (that is crazy and willing to break the law) can go down to Ace Hardware and get some pipe, some end caps, and some fertilizer, a gallon of fuel oil, and, with a little work, construct a bomb. If this guy had made a bunch of bombs or a single large bomb, the horror would have been just the same and just as illegal. The gun control liberals just can’t understand that the laws are only for the good honest people. The criminals will always find a way. The cops and especially the lawmakers, cannot protect us all the time. That’s the responsibility us and us alone as an individuals. No one will forever be there to protect us.

I have written a letter to the NRA last Friday. I have laid out the ground work and suggested that the NRA organize a class action suit on behalf of the victims of that shooting. That theater was designated as a “gun free zone” complete with a sign for all to see. Because of that sign and the theater rules, no law abiding citizen (with a gun permit) was allowed to enter. This silliness of the “gun free zones” put all of the people within that theater at risk. Anyone with a sidearm could have prevented that tragedy from happening. I am, without a doubt, 100% certain, that if I were there, I could have put a bullet through that guys eye from anywhere in the theater. I carry, and I don’t pay attention to “gun free zone signs”. I feel that it is better to explain myself to an officer than to leave my family without a husband and father.

On a side note, You said that there is no reason that anyone should own an AK-47. I own three. Along with an M-16, a WW-2, BAR and an M-203. I have paid the BATF a large fee (for each weapon) just to get the paperwork started. After that, I passed an FBI background check, and I have had signed letters from the Columbia county sheriff. Somewhere in WashingtonDC, my fingerprints are enshrined in a folder for all to see. All said, I still own these weapons (legally) and I haven’t committed any mass murders. I take offense that anyone could think that having my guns removed from my possession, would somehow make me safer from nut-jobs who don’t care about the law and are happy to commit atrocities any day of the week.


Yet Another Double Standard


In 1952 President Harry Truman establishes one day a year as a “National Day of Prayer.”

In 1988 President Ronald Regan designated the first Thursday in May as the official Day.

In 2008 President Barack Obama declared that the United States was no longer a “Christian nation.” That same year the President canceled the 21st annual National Day of Prayer ceremony at the White house. The President claimed that because this day was established by Christians, it was considered a “Christian specific ceremony” and this could be considered too offensive to continue as a national celebration.

On September 25, 2009, “A National Day of Prayer for the Muslim Faith” was held at the White House. There were over 50,000 Muslims in DC that day. He prayed with them and he celebrated the new “holiday” with them.

I guess it doesn’t matter if “Christians” are offended by this event. Christians and even Jews obviously don’t count as worthy citizens anymore.

Knowing that Muslims believe, in their faith, that if Christians and Jews cannot be converted to Islam, then they must be annihilated.

With the direction that this country is headed, everyone (who is not a Muslim) should very be alarmed.

Just a thought to ponder.

On a slightly different note… I don’t even want to get going about the “Chick-Fil-A” controversy … You know, where the mayor of Chicago gave away a million dollar chunk of land for a radical Muslim (who is on the terrorist list) to build a mosque. But, because the founder of Chick-fil-A publically announced, “because of his Christian values” he doesn’t support same sex marriage… because of this openness and honesty, that same mayor of Chicago denies any and all business permits for any Chick-fil-A restaurant within that city.

Go Figure !

Lunch Time conversation

     I think I’ve said that I don’t eat lunch with my co-workers.  I try to get away and go outside or somewhere to decompress and relax before going back to the grinder.  Anyway,  I live in the wacko liberal state of Oregon… and yes, it is by my choice.  As the only conservative in this whole state, I tend to be the target of some abuse.  On the other hand, I can dish it out too. I have found that you can beat a liberal to death with nothing more than logic and reason and, most of the time, they have no place to go with an argument based on only an emotional response.  This is a abbreviated version of a conversation that I had today at lunch.

I sat down next to the only other male nurse in our department.  He saw me and looked up from his newspaper, apparently reading an article about Amtrak,  “hey,  I was just wondering… why would anyone want to carry a gun on a train?  They are apparently letting gun nuts carry guns on Amtrak now!”  I smiled and said, “ why on earth wouldn’t you?… It seems that anyone who is an honest upstanding citizen, passed an FBI background check, had a  law enforcement approved firearm safety class, and is a supporter of law enforcement, would  be especially welcomed on Amtrak.”  He snapped back, “If it were up to you, I’d bet you’d have everyone carrying guns on airplanes too.”  I laughed back, “Duh… haven’t you even heard of Goldfinger?…  Can you say explosive decompression? … I don’t know what kind of physics classes you took to get into nursing school, but I think  it would hurt getting sucked through one of those little windows.”   He grumbled and went back to his news paper.  After a few minutes, he looked up again, “hey, if you’re such a pro-gun-nut, then why don’t you carry now?”  I looked back, “that’s easy… I don’t carry because I don’t need to.”  He questioned, “but why would you ever really need to.?”  Starting to get irritated at his insistence, “ you people here inOregon are so spoiled… sheltered.  Yea, we had one gun shot wound patient last weekend.  It was the first in several weeks.  When I worked in New Orleans I carried every day, 24/7.  We got more GSW patients in one week than Portland gets in a whole year.  I’ve been shot at more than once…. how about you?”  He looked back and said, “I don’t own a gun and I can walk in the worst part of town without fear… If there were stronger national gun laws, or a national registration, violence would be a lot less everywhere.”  Getting more irritated,  I kept going… “Have you ever been on duty on an ER and have someone come in shooting trying to finish someone else off?”  That kind of thing happening here is completely unheard of, even in your wildest imagination.  I moved here because it’s a peaceful place.  Oregon is a safe place to raise kids.  I moved here because I don’t have to carry a gun.  Believe me, I’m happy to leave my gun at home. I’m happy that you are able to maintain your peace-nick persona.  I’m happy that you can afford to keep a sense of naive optimism, but please don’t presume that you could impose your narrow-minded ideas onto anyone else in another part of the country until you actually live there and experience that culture first hand.  Just because it is peaceful here doesn’t mean people aren’t getting assaulted in spades somewhere else, and no national law will ever prevent, or even slow down for that matter, any criminal from getting his hands on a knife, club or even a gun to hurt you with.  I know that this thought may be very foreign to a native Oregonian, but with the current state of police protection in this country, in some places, the second amendment is the only protection some people may have.

More on “Gun Free Zones”

   Paul Helmke,  president of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, wrote in a statement: “If Congress had not allowed the ‘Assault Weapons Ban’ to expire in 2004, the shooter would only have been able to get off 10 rounds without reloading.”

…unless he brings more than one gun,  or an illegal,  black market magazine.  Seriously, do you think that anyone who is willing to commit murder  is going to be deterred by a ban on an eleven shot magazine?  Or  fifteen?  Or  thirty?  The Thou Shalt Not Do Murder” statute that has been on the law-books, well,  since Adam and Eve had their offspring.  It seems it doesn’t matter how many laws are passed, if people are committed to do the crime, they will find a way.  The only thing accomplished with these restrictive laws is to make the average citizen more and more of a victim, and more and more vulnerable to the people who are willing to break the laws.

With these people who are clearly determined to do harm and are obviously willing to break the law,  there is only one clear way to prevent this atrocity from happening… that is to kill them on the spot.  I personally carry my side arm with me even into areas that are clearly marked “gun free zones.”  I think that it would be far better to explain my gun to a judge and jury than to have my family morn me as a victim.  If just one person had disregarded the “gun free zone” sign at that movie theater, there would have been far fewer injuries and possibly only one death that night.

On a different note, I would hope that a group of those very Colorado victims get together for a class action suit against that theater chain. They could sue for negligence saying just that by not allowing honest gun owning citizens into the theater… and you know what?  They would have a really good case.

Material reblogged from http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/2011/01/when-gun-control-idiocy-is-outlawed.html

Moral Humor

   Today I did an entire day of oncology surgery with the best oncology surgeon this side of theMississippi.  It was a really good day.  After the first case, we turned over the room and I ran out to check in my second patient.  I introduced  myself and started in on the 68 questions that we automatically go through on the “pre-op checklist.”  About the third question, “do you have a living will” and “do you have responsible family available…” he went off with, “well, I’m an atheist and I don’t need any of that… blah, blah.”   He then brought out a book that he “highly recommended” and proceeded to show me and explain in great detail. The title was  “Fascist Christians Converting America into a Christian Nation”… or some nonsense like that. I’m not sure. I said, “hey, I’m on a time line here… and went on to the next question…”when did you last eat or drink?…”  Being persistent,  he answered with, “I don’t believe in God, and because there is no heaven, there obviously no hell… so I don’t need to worry…”  I was already running way behind and I was getting irritated.  I mean, as a white male, I can’t just spout my beliefs and get away with it.  On the other hand, I am required to listen to someone else blather about their religion till the cows come home.  I had to stop this now or I was going to tagged for “surgical delay.”   As I occasionally do, I blurt out before my brain actually gets in gear.  “Hey, that’s great,  your free from worry,  I mean, I’m your  nurse, I give you my solemn word that you will stay alive and well for the entire time you’re in my care…  OK?   I also promise that eventually, one day,  you will meet your maker, and I’m absolutely certain that you will be in for a really big surprise… and with that sir, we really have to  get back on topic … I’m very sorry,  I’d love to pull up a chair and debate religion, theology and philosophy,  but I have a schedule to keep and I’m very nearly in trouble, so… if you don’t mind,  I’d like to get on with the remaining 59 questions of my pre-op checklist so that we can eventually get to your procedure?”  He reluctantly agreed and soon we were off to surgery.

I’m not sure why atheists seem to have to press their religion on to everyone else.  It’s not like they have something to give.  They just seem so really unhappy that someone else has faith.   As a nurse that works in a very liberal environment, an environment that celebrates diversity, which actually means normal people had better really be careful not to offend.  With this attitude from my employer, I never proselytize or even discuss my faith at work. On the other hand,  if anyone ever asks me about Jesus, Faith, or heaven, or salvation, or even the eternal life you receive after those 60 or 70 years you toil away as a mere mortal here on earth… Well,  I’m happy to discuss it with them or pray with them anytime.


A friend sent me this joke.  I thought it kinda cute so to lighten the mood, I’ll pass it on to you!


An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk?  Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had started to read her book, replied to the stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but first let me ask you a question. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff for sustenance…grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, no Heaven or Hell, or even the issue of life after death, when you don’t know shit?”  She turned and went back to reading her book.



The state of the American Prison system

 I got a nice response to my blog post on my “American Workers Rant”  I don’t like to be contrary or disagreeable, but I feel rather strongly about the sad state of our national prison system here in America.  I am not by any means an expert on the prison system. I have had in depth discussions with a relative who has his PhD in sociology and was once an advisor with the federal penal system.  He now a tenured professor at the University of Central Florida.  I spent a solid week with him discussing  this very thing last summer.   I’m not proud to say that I have had close friends and family in prison.  With that, and actually visited them in prison, along with my view of the current criminal justice system,  I still find that it is in a deplorable state.

I agree with you when you said, “Incarceration isn’t the answer. We have more people in jail than any other nation in the world at a cost of about $43,000 per year.”  My question is simple, why does it cost that amount?  Who sets this price?  I will assure you that my living expenses in college was not even one tenth that.  I believe that this price is because each of our prisoners has to have a private cell, special food and anytime health and emergency care.  Oh and  lets not forget mental health care anytime they are feeling a bit lonely.  When I lived in Alabama, Holman state prison in Atmore Alabama was the last of the prisons that didn’t cost a mint to the tax payers. This prison had a very low recidivism rate (at that time).  They had the prisoners out in the fields working the crops and cleaning the roadways. They sold their excess crops at a profit to cover the power, water and expenses of the prison.  Yes it was very hard. Some prisoners met their end trying to get away from the work  (real life Cool Hand Luke style).  I don’t care what the liberals say, this system of rehab works and it is cost neutral to the state taxpayers. I have an uncle who told me of the horrors. I have a friend who was terrified years later.  He was really “Scared straight”.  Now it is more of a resort than a prison. Illegal aliens can get prison life better than their real life back in Mexico.

Speaking of Mexico, NAFTA,  and all of the trade agreements we have with that country, how about we make a trade agreement with them on our prisoners.  We can give them our prisoners to house them in their Mexican prison system.  We can pay them 43,000 peso’s a year to take good care of them and we would be way better off and, I believe, this system would have  a much, much better recidivism rate!

Yes, I have actually been inside to visit the prison in GuadalajaraMexico and yes it was horrible.  I admit that I was terrified as a visitor.  And those prisoners all  wanted out really bad. And yes, I truly believe that once they did eventually get out, they would try very, very  hard to not get back into that prison system ever again.


Hey, What about the sign?

     There has been a lot said about the nut-job who shot all those people in the movie theater in Aurora Colorado.  There was this sign posted at the door of that very theater.  (see picture)  Why didn’t this guy see that sign?  Did he not see the sign?  Was he even looking for a sign when he walked in?  How did this guy manage to pass by this sign and still possess all that firepower?   I have a really important question for all the liberals out there…  Was that sign broken?  Why didn’t it work?   It’s simple… it’s the same old thing, when guns are outlawed, only the outlaws will have guns.  I know this  rant is getting tired, but it’s the truth.  I practice the first and second amendment every day.  I carry a Kimber Ultra-carry with a Crimson-Trace laser site.  I am a proficient marksman and I practice regularly. I am 100% confident that I could hit any  man-size target from anywhere within forty yards,  (the cross distance in any given theater).

With this theater posting this very sign is actually preventing citizens with legally concealed carry firearms from entering the establishment,  I am confident that they are headed for a big lawsuit.  Any practiced citizen with a carry permit would have stopped the slaughter after the first shot.  As it was, the only armed person in the whole complex was the shooter.  This will certainly be an interesting legal battle in the coming months.  The right for legal citizens who pass an FBI background check and carry firearms in a “no gun zone”  vs. the liberal politicians who think that more restrictive gun laws will somehow better protect the people.  Who knows, with stronger gun laws,  maybe future mass murderers  will see and read  those signs

American Worker Rant

 A guy on the radio this morning said that, not only are grunt worker jobs being transported to foreign countries, but now, financial, technical, and  other higher level jobs are finding their way to other countries.

It strikes me that American labor costs a lot. Here are the reasons:

1) the number of people we support through our tax dollars who do nothing to help the economy or themselves and probably never will
2) the literally hundreds of countries we help with foreign aid
3) the number of people we totally support who are in jail and not making economic contributions
4) the number of people in racial or special interest groups who are funded  by the federal government

If it takes us from January to May to pay our taxes. It means that only about 55% of our gross product is really production. The rest is helping people to sit and do nothing. Even the socialist countries do not have this level of overhead.

I don’t even remember the last candidate who would stand up for decreasing government entitlements and spending, or for that matter, one who would actually vote for it if elected.

I would vote for one who would dare to say it, and I could get excited about someone who would actually do something about it. If we want to be competitive in the world market, we need to change some  things. We need to bring our troops home and stop being the “police” of the world. We need to be humble about our worth. We need to respond to our  market and we need to figure out what else can be done to make  our economy work. Getting rid of this overhead burden would go a long way in helping people survive  in this country once again.

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