A Nurse With Attitude

Where Dark Cynical Humor, Nursing Issues, and Politics Seem to Merge

Archive for the month “August, 2012”

Some of the Benefits of Being a Nurse

 I’m  not sure where this came from.  I think that my sister e-mailed it to me a few months ago.  I was saving it for when I had a little some writers block or an occasion where I didn’t have a lot of spare time to get the imagination juices going.  I’ve seen some of these “Benefits of nursing” jokes around,  and if you have already  come up with a similar list on your own, I’ll apologize ahead of time.

Nursing is THE secure career choice. Long after Boeing goes kahooie from the weight of their union pensions, nurses will still be in demand. Lots of perks, too. Here are just a few:

1. The look on a belligerent drunk’s face when you explain to him or her EXACTLY where that tube is going.
2. Wearing your pajamas to work.
3. The wonder you feel about the things you find in an abdomino-pelvic X-ray.
4. Getting paid to say, “Relax. This’ll only hurt for a few seconds.”
5. Learning how to compare the appearance of potable fluids with bodily fluids.
6. Learning how to keep a straight face when you hear a patient say “I swear to God- I have NO IDEA how that got there.”

7. Learning how to suppress the urge to laugh uncontrollably until AFTER your leave your patient’s room.
8. Meet girls. Or boys. Or something that isn’t quite either of those but makes an interesting topic for break room discussion.
9. Grossing your in-laws out when you tell them EXACTLY what that London Broil looks like.
10. Learning how to use bedpans for skis in the parking lot on a snowy day.
11. Learning to identify ANYTHING that could possibly be used as an emesis basin in less than one second.
12. Job security through 2394 with overtime and shift differentials.
13. An endless supply of subjects for dinner table conversation.
14. Walking to your car completely exhausted but light as a feather because YOU helped bring back someone’s mom, dad, wife, husband, or kid. (That is totally cool)

Why?

 After reading all the hoopla about Rep. Todd Akin (R-Ignoramus) on his comments about rape.  Yes, he was a bit insensitive.  Probably even a little stupid in the terms of getting re-elected.  What I really want to know is why are so many voters easily distracted by stupid crap? Ya know, like politicians who tickle their throats with their toes! Yup, the media is focusing, FOX included, on what one guy said about rape. Here is a news flash: Our economy is in the crapper, we owe more money to the Chinese than we could pay back in two lifetimes,  the feds are taking over private institutions, illegals are still breaking into the country,  47% of American citizens are on some sort of welfare handout,  our country is still involved in a war that most people don’t know why we are still fighting it, $4 a gallon gas, and a Russian sub cruising around in the Gulf of Mexico, just to name a few of the bigger concerns.

It is my opinion, we are in deep.  We are in the middle of two elections of seeing our country transform into something nobody is going to like, even the ones who hope for change.

May God help us all

reblogged from Know The Hillbilly

 

Hurricane Isaac

  Hurricane Isaac has been sweeping through the South.  I called my mom to make sure that they were still OK.  My whole family live right on the Alabamagulf coast.  Their house is right on the Bon Secour river which is about five miles from the Gulf of Mexicobeach. I knew that they were not going anywhere. They were having a  Hurricane Party.  That’s where everyone in the neighborhood gets together pools their resources and “rides the storm out” in their home.  No matter how bad or dangerous the storm may become, evacuation is not even a consideration. This is one of the reasons that I agreed to accompany my wife out to the Northwest. The last convincing storm was hurricane Fredrick back in the 90’s.  My kids were kindergarten age and I was sure that we were all doomed.  There were several tornado’s that nearly missed the house. I could hear the tell tale train whistle of the impending tornado catastrophe several times that night.  By some miracle, the tornados went all around the house but never actually made contact. The water came out of the banks to completely surrounded the house. Towards morning, a large tree fell and dissected the house down to almost waist level.  In preparation for the storm, I took the battery from the car to power a small radio to get news and weather tracking for the storm.  I also had plenty of sandwich making stuff and canned goods, drinks and nonperishable food stuff for everyone,  I had the chain saw in the house so that I may cut my way out once the sun came up.  It was known to everyone that this far into the hurricane,  the police, national guard, or any rescue agency for that matter, was unable to come and help even if they wanted. We were on our own.  I had tied the boat to the largest tree near the house,  as a last futile thought as a possible escape for me and my kids if things got really bad.  Once the sun came up, I had discovered that the tree had crushed my boat to splinters.  After this near death experience, I agreed to move to a place where I’d never be threatened by hurricanes and tornados again.

So when Isaac hit theGulfCoastI had to call mom to check on her (before the telephone system went down).  I was on my lunch break at work and the news guy said that the eye of the storm had just past the coastline.   Mom answered promptly and  I could hear the howling winds in the background.  Mom gleefully said, “hey, we’re just fine.  We still have power, the water is barely out of the river banks, and the winds are barely sustained sixty miles per hour… so don’t you worry a bit about us.  This is going to be a nothing kind of hurricane.  We’re doing just fine.”  I was relieved and after a brief chat, hung up and went back to work.

It was good to hear moms voice and that she was so up beat in the wake of the storm was a great relief.  The sad thing was in my brief conversation and hearing the wail of the wind and thunder in the background,  I had become a little homesick.  As crazy as it sounds, and now that my kids are grown and living their own lives,  I could easily risk my own life and go back and live in that chaotic mess.

On the other hand, I would seriously consider going toKenyaand setting up my own medical clinic to care for those in need.

In the sense of risking life and limb… Hmmm, what’s the difference?

Just some Random thoughts

  Today was a frustrating day.  It gets me to thinking about some of the things that tests ones faith.  Who said God didn’t have a sense of humor… especially when we’re in a big hurry to get something done?

Why do I always spill coffee on my white clothing when I’m ten seconds out of the door?

Why do I get to work early to get my surgery suite set up and ready to go,  planning to have a smooth day, just to have the assignment change at 0705?

Why is my “new room” usually a GYN room?  And why do I have to babysit the stupidest person on the service?  Honestly, if I were a woman in need of surgery, I’d rather have a doctor in the  “Nigerian free clinic”  treat me than get what I witnessed today.

Why does both surgeons  in the room yell several things for you to do… but everyone knows that you can’t possibly do them all simultaneously.

Why do I seem to always get the patient with thirty-three allergies and “end stage fibrolmyalgia?”

Why do I get the patient who speaks a dialect of Hindi in which  our in-house intrepeter cannot comprehend… Yet the surgeon claims he got the informed consent by using only “hand signals”

Why does my crappy day continue even after I leave work?

Why do I get behind the guy at the anytime teller who wants a specific thing and can only communicate using the “Braille pad”

Why am I always stuck in a grocery line behind the person who has one item, but that item has no price, and it is the last one?

Why does that same old  lady have to be the one with the book of coupons and a bag of loose change?

Why do I always find the vending machine that will not take the new quarters?

Why do I always order a draft beer, just as the keg runs out, the bartender is always the one who can crawl around under the counter for 30 minutes and still can’t get the new one connected?

Why do I always think it’s OK “just this once” to forgo my shoes and run  out to  the mailbox barefooted,  just to step in a steamy pile dog poo three steps off my porch.

Why do Liberals complain about high taxes  and failed policies but fail to even consider actually voting for anyone else? (see my earlier post)

Why do I always feel an overwhelming compulsion   to write about stuff that has nothing to do with making the world  a better place?

Media corruption for all to see

  The double standards are appalling.

Bias: A gay activist opens fire in a conservative organization’s offices, inspired by the steady drumbeat of leftist vitriol against those who value traditional marriage, and no one says a word.

You won’t hear any call for civil discourse from President Obama’s bully pulpit over the shooting and wounding of a security guard at the offices of the conservative Family Research Council (FRC) inWashington,D.C.

The alleged shooter was a volunteer at a community center for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, and the FRC favors traditional marriage.

Those who blamed Sarah Palin for the shooting of Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords or Rush Limbaugh for the Oklahoma City  bombing are strangely silent.

At least the likes of ABC’s Brian Ross didn’t reflexively blame the Tea Party, as he did after a gunman shot up an Aurora, Colo.,  movie theater.

Why the double standard?  Because, their heart of hearts, the left approves of this type of violence.  It gives their agenda a bit more traction.

A crazy gunman killing twelve people in a theater that is a designated “gun free zone” in a city with relatively lax gun laws, that’s real news!   However, this past Saturday, there were thirty (that’s three-zero) gun-shot related deaths in the city of Chicago. This is Obama’s home turf and there wasn’t a single printed or spoken word about it on the news.  Why doesn’t he go there and make a statement? Why doesn’t the media go on a bent to “get guns off of the streets” After all, it was over twice the  number killed in Aurora, CO!   Why…because of several reasons.

Number one, these are black on black killings. They are consisting of one gang member killing an apposing gang member in some sort of a drug related incident. I believe that these people are still people.  The liberal media doesn’t seem to care.

Number two, Chicago has the most restrictive gun laws in the nation.  Unless you’re a police officer or a paid bodyguard to the Governor,  it is still  illegal to possess any kind of firearm in the city of Chicago  no matter what.  So with such restrictions on possession and ownership of guns in the windy city, why are they still having such crime?  Restrictive gun laws doesn’t work. Never has and never will.     Why’s  the national media not blathering all over about  more than twice the number of deaths as in the  theater killings… in  Obama’s back yard?… because it doesn’t sell.  That’s really all they care about anyway.

read the article.   From TheRealRevo.com

Crying for Crayons

     It’s back to school time. Considering that my baby has been graduated for over a year now, working and living on his own,  I think that my school supply buying days are quite possibly over.  (unless there’s grandchildren in my near future).    Some of the  younger nurses at work, were talking about their stress of buying crayons, backpacks, clothing, shoes, and such,  all in the name of getting their kids ready for school.  As an “empty nester”,  I think how quickly I had forgotten all of  this.

One of my co-workers was complaining, “I hate supply gathering time, they make me get all this stuff, then they take all of my newly purchased school supplies and put them into a large pool in which anyone can pull from.”  I perked up a little on this comment.  She went on, “The school says that a community of supplies for all the kids will prevent any of the poorer kids from feeling inferior.”   My response to my liberal, but loudly complaining, co-worker was,  “for socialism to get a serious grip, you gotta start really young.”   At that time, I was just shooting off at the cuff as an attempt to tweak a nerve in a fellow nurse.  But as it sunk in, I started to get irritated with the whole idea.  I mean, what’s wrong with varying degrees of student supplies?  As a kid,  you could share if you wanted, or you can be a “greedy stingy pants”  if you wanted.  That’s just being a kid.  When I was that age, the rich kids got more than I did, and the poor kids got a little less.  That’s simply the way it was.  When I was in the 4th grade, I really wanted the large 64 count Crayola crayon box with the built in sharpener.  What I got was the 24 count box.  I was really not happy with this situation.  I voiced my complaint with the supply acquisition department, (my mom) and I didn’t get anywhere.  She said that this was more than adequate for the needs of any fourth grader, and I was lucky to get that.  Somehow, what I got, simply  didn’t hold the status of the “64 size” box.  To make matters worse,  a rich kid in my class did get a treasured 64 count Crayola brand crayon box with the built in sharpener.  A few kid became his instant friends and he shared his crayons with his  new coloring crew.   All of the rest of us were quite jealous as he flaunted his crayons along with his new friends.  I wanted the 64 size crayons and a bunch of new friends would be really nice too!  However, my mom steadfastly refused to give me a crayons upgrade.  Eventually, I accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to get a government handout from the crayon acquisition department,  so I went to work for myself.  I picked up trash, raked leaves, did yard work, pulled weeds and practically anything a ten year old could do to wheedle loose change from an adult.  Eventually I had made enough money to buy the treasured box of crayons on my own.  I was the happiest 4th grader around!  By this time, with hard use from “friends,” the rich kid’s crayons were becoming short and ragged. The yellow box was even darker and dog-eared.  My own box was brand new with a complete complement of full length crayons.  I thought about the sudden shift of friends over to me and what they wanted.  I also thought about how they used my crayons with reckless abandon… having no concern for the potential overuse of the primary colors.  I thought more about the true motives of these so called friends.

I don’t know if my parents were cheap, mean,  or very wise.  (I want to believe the latter).   It seems that, in my tender youth, I learned several valuable lessons that I carried into adulthood.  To this day, they affect me in the decisions that I make.

A lot of people in the world look on the rich, the popular, the movie stars, with jealous eyes.  I believe that it is best to be happy with what you have.  It is not the material things that make happiness.  I can also say that, because of this,  the friends that I currently have are true friends.  They are people that are there for me no matter what…  and not only for what material, political or personal status they might gain from their association from me.  Today, the people that I associate with, I see no barriers. I judge my associates by their character and not by their assets.  I have friends that are ex-cons, and friends that are dirt poor… it doesn’t matter to me.  This could be why I’ve spent my career at state teaching hospitals while some of my more material minded relatives gravitate to the better funded private hospitals.

A second lesson… there is nothing that is out of your reach if you want it bad enough and are willing to work for it.  I have tried very hard to impart these values onto my own children.

In today’s world, with the advent of political correctness and the fact that the most radically socialistic  people in America happen to be tenured public educators.  It makes me worry what the life lessons of the children of today will be.  What lessons will these  children take  into the future of this country?   With this “pooling of supplies” and extreme efforts in making “no one feel  inadequate”  what will America be like when these children are my age?

 

We could learn a lot from crayons.

Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.

Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

Thanks Scott F

 

Internet Down

Hey,  I know I haven’t written in a while,  I even got a call from someone while at work asking if I was “sick or something.”  OK, my internet was down.  I’m not sure what happened, but I called Quest.  Those guys are pretty good, I have to say.  I called, and then after my initial wait of 44 minutes to get a live person, I had my chat.  After he walked me through all the stuff that I had done already at least six times  trying to get my internet back on my own… you know, “turn your modem off, and then back on again.”  Nope, didn’t do it.   “OK,  now try unplugging your phone line and plugging it back in again.” Nope not yet.  “OK, now try restarting your computer.”  Nope, not yet.  It went on and on.  Eventually he gave up and said he’d send me a new modem in the mail.  “It should be three business days.” Thank goodness that I didn’t have a business that depended on the internet for my mortgage payment.  Oh wait, I think I do have “on-line banking.”   Never mind, my internet has been restored and now I have my site back and I also, upon careful assessment, I haven’t missed any important payments to anything.  I know, I could have gone down to the local Starbucks,  or some place with free wi-fi and logged on.  On the other hand, my profound paranoia forbids me from using any bank, FTP site, payment or billing account numbers on any  non-secure internet connection.  So, I just had to wait patiently.  Well, here I am again and ready for more.

Green on Blue Attack

 What are we doing?  Green on blue crime is where a trusted allay turns in the Afghan National Army, suddenly turns and kills the American troops that have been training them.  Because of this, the leaders in the military have instituted new plans for this type of atrocity.  The plan is to have all of our soldiers carry a loaded gun… Why Is This Not ALWAYS the Case?

US forces in Afghanistan ordered to keep weapons loaded at all times. All U.S. military personnel in Afghanistan are to be required to have a fully loaded magazine in their weapons at all times in response to a spike in attacks by rogue members of the Afghan government’s forces.

A senior military official told NBC News that the order “could save precious seconds” in responding to a so-called “green-on-blue” attack and hopefully save lives.

Why in blue blazes weren’t our soldiers in combat zones already carrying loaded weapons? They’re in a place where folks are actively trying to kill them, and the official policy up until now was to walk around with unloaded weapons? Sure, a professional shooter might be able to load a magazine and chamber a round in a second or less, but often the soldiers on duty don’t have the experience for that nor the time to practice. Sometimes they don’t even have access to ammo even if they wanted it. (my oldest son is currently on tour in Afghanistan, confirmed that he had minimal time with the M16 he was issued). Most soldiers get to, at least shoot a few rounds to sight in their weapon to insure that the bullet lands where it’s pointed. Apparently not in an actual war zone!

And it gets even better:

U.S. military officials told NBC News that the new order did not mean personnel were required to keep a round in the chamber.

So in a crucial moment when every second counts, when some traitorous bastard that you trusted to take over security for you turns on you and start shooting your friends, you’ve got to work the weapon to chamber a round rather than flip the safety off? It’s obvious that the rules aren’t being written by folks that have been on the ground but pencil-pushing appease-niks who would rather our boys die than offend someone.

Gah. I need to get to the range…

That is all.

Some if this material reblogged from http://www.ma-rooned.com/

  Whoops, I forgot to post a “hump-day joke”  last night.  Well, here it is a lttle late.  I worked in oncology again today, so I’ve got another cancer joke!  We did surgery for thyroid cancer.  Anything to do with taking parts out of the neck is very time consuming and tedious.  Apparently, there’s  a lot of very important things that are jam packed in the neck area that we have to be really careful not to accidentally cut, burn, pull, or even stretch.  A neck dissection to get even a pea size tumor can take many hours to do. Because this isn’t my primary service, this can be quite the learning experience.  It was way cool and I learned a lot about the anatomy of the neck.

Baseball In Heaven Two old baseball buddies with lung cancer were chatting on a park bench. Paul says, “I hope they have a baseball team in heaven.” “Me too”, says Jack. “Tell you what”, says Paul, “If I die first, I’ll give you a message about whether there is baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you can do the same for me.” A year later, Paul is dead and Jack is sitting on the park bench when he hears: “Jack, it’s me, Paul. I have great news! Guess what. There really is a baseball team in heaven.” “Thank God”, sighs Jack, “Now I can die in peace.” “I’m glad you feel that way,” says Paul, “because you’re pitching tomorrow!

The Difference between a Conservative and a Liberal

 The Difference between a Conservative and a Liberal

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he works toward outlawing all guns.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat the enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life with respect to others.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black or Hispanic man is conservative, he sees himself as independently successful.
Their liberal counterpart will see himself as victim in need of government affirmative action.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal will wonder who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those shows be shut down as too offensive.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he simply doesn’t go to church.
A liberal is a non-believer, he wants any mention of God silenced… Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of society pay for his care.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and tries to hide his embarrassment.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans, and calls his lawyer for a lawsuit.

If a conservative reads this and will all have a good laugh.
A liberal will complain bitterly, say he’s offended, file a complaint, and eventually have the HR department  force to attend, yet  another, “respect at the university” class.

 

 

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