A Nurse With Attitude

Where Dark Cynical Humor, Nursing Issues, and Politics Seem to Merge

Archive for the month “January, 2013”

Idiocracy

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chinaI saw a movie the other night with my wife.  It was called  Idiocracy (2006).  The storyline starts with a family tree of some smart people who have one or two children.  It also traces the family tree of some random “trailer park” family who had 18 kids and 79 grand children.  The main character is Luke Wilson who was in an R&D department in the Army. He was frozen in a  pod in a science experiment.  Something happened, the project lost funding, the head of the department was transferred,  and poor Luke was forgotten about and he wasn’t re-awakened until several hundred years later.  When he awoke, the average intelligence had declined so much that this character was suddenly the smartest person in the world.  He solved global problems and eventually became the President.  It was a dark comedy in which I found quite enjoyable, and almost believable.

This leads  me to my political rant for today.  Why does our government tax you if your successful and reward you if your a slacker?   Most smart people who work truly has only one or two children in their family because raising kids are expensive!  On the other hand, if you are a taker, you can get even more payment from the government for each additional kid you have.  Our government actually pays you to produce more of a burden to the system.  People who pay into the system have very few children while the abusers of the system have incredibly large families??? 

I think that something will eventually give, the system will collapse because the payers will eventually dry up to the overwhelming numbers of the takers.  I’m no Communist, but maybe China has it right after all.  No matter what your economic class, the government will pay “in full” for everything you need;  for your first child.  If you choose to have a second child, well, you had better have a lot of money in your pocket.  This is the law for everyone no matter who you are or what you do.  If you don’t have the money to support the second or third child, well, the government will allow you to work  off your debt…  in a government work camp…. digging Uranium.  “Oh don’t mind those other workers with the hacking cough… It’s not contagious.”

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Vacation

 

Vacation1

 

Hey, I’m on vacation starting today.  Everyone else is slogging away and I’m just now getting up.  Making myself some bacon pancakes and who knows, I may just go back to bed.  It’s not all rainbows and unicorns though.  I’m heading to the airport tomorrow morning at oh-dark-thirty.  I have two weeks in Alabama to tend to my ailing parents.  My dad is sick and in need of some sort of long term care or memory care.  I’m going South to get the ball rolling on this issue.  It won’t be fun.  On the other hand, if I get my chores done, I may have a few beers with some of my old red-neck friends.  I’ll play it by ear

Urology Day

 

vasectomy

Well, I guess this could even be one of the “Surgical term of the day” posts.  And the procedure is “Percutaneous lithotripsy.”  If you haven’t guessed, today I was the scrub in a urology room.  I joke with the surgeon, “It’s like working in a cave… It’s cold and wet, has the constant sound of dripping, and it smells funny.  It’s dark, the lights are always on the  lowest setting for the sake of the fluoroscopy.  And the guy in the back is just as grumpy as a hibernating bear.

Anyhow, a “perc” is a pretty fun case. There’s this sonic-probe device. It works a lot like the CO2 powered BB gun you had as a kid.  Every time you squeeze the trigger the gun releases a small amount of gas and pushes a piston which propels a BB into that can.  Well,  with this device, you load the exact same CO2 cartridge. But each time the doctor pulls the trigger, the little piston hits the back side of a long probe.  This probe shoots out at the same velocity for about two millimeters then springs back.

We put the patient asleep on their stomach.  We cut a hole in his back down to his kidney.  We put the little probe into the kidney and touch one of these stones and the doctor pulls the trigger.  The probe breaks up the stone.  When all of the stones are but loose gravel, we suck the fragments out and wake up the patient.

Well, it’s a little more complex than that, but that’s the general idea.  The tricky part is finding the stones.  The next thing is to crush the stones without messing up the surrounding tissue.  There are a lot of really important stuff  that tends to bleed a lot hiding away in that general area.  Not to mention lungs what will just collapse at the drop of a hat, (or whenever you stick a sonic-probe into one). We use x-rays and contrast.  We also have a really small camera to visualize the actual stones as we break them up.  Overall it’s a very interesting and rewarding procedure.

Our attending urologist is retiring.   The one guy that makes this procedure look as easy as I just described it is quitting.   So this is the very last perc procedure to be done by this doctor.  That is a bummer. The upside is; this is the same guy who does vasectomy reversals  I’m not so keen on this.  The case is not bad, It’s just that I can’t get on board with a 50 year old guy leaving his wife of 20 years for a new hot 20 year old cheerleader.  And then he wants to get his vasectomy fixed so he can start a new family with her… Call me old fashioned,  or even judgemental, but I just can’t get all warm for this guy or his actions.

As I departed today, the Urologist told me another urology joke.  I’ll share it with you…  enjoy.

===============

This 82-year-old man married a 22-year-old woman and they decided that they wanted to have kids. So after trying for a while with no success, he went to see the urologist, pretty discouraged. The urologist said not to get discouraged and that they could run some tests. “Take this specimen jar into the bathroom and leave me a specimen to test,” the doctor said. The old man closed the door, and about an hour and a half later, still had not come out. The doctor came by and asked, “Are you alright?” “No” the old man said. “This just isn’t going to work.” he dejectedly explained. “There’s no hope for me, I’ve worn out my left hand, I’ve worn out my right hand, I’ve run cold water over it, and I’ve run hot water over it. I’ve even thumped it on the edge of the sink. But no way can I get the top off this specimen jar!”

Liberal Thoughts

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I am getting tired of being the one and only token conservative in this whole screwed up state.

 

Today, I had three of my nurse friends from the pre-op area come to me while I was mixing up my morning coffee and ask me straight up,  “why would anyone need an assault rifle?…. I  mean that’s pretty stupid, isn’t it?”   I snapped, “They are always handy when bad things happen… and it’s always better when bad things happen to liberals.”

They all looked  at me like I had three heads.  Just then the charge nurse came around from behind me with an utterly shocked look.  Thinking I was going to have to do some serious digging to get out of this hole and prevent myself from being an involuntary student at the next “respect at the university” class.   Everyone knows that liberals can blather on and on and be as offensive as they like.  But once a conservative lets his guard down and says just one thing, your job can be in jeopardy.   I went on to tell my story.

“Hey, I’m not going to apologies, but I’ll …”

“You’ll what, continue talking even after that?”  the charge nurse said.

“Yep, I have a story to tell,”  I said with my best defiant tone.

“OK,  when I was working in New Orleans, I had a federal firearms license, meaning that I was a gun dealer.  I sold guns straight out of the ER.  Well,  not exactly out of the ER, I took  orders and then arranged to deliver on a later date.  But, that’s another  story.  There was this Trauma surgeon who was a liberal.  Whenever there was some down time, he would come to my ER just to argue second amendment issues with me.  He worked to rub my last  nerve.  After hours, we would stalemate and eventually agree to disagree.  I was a gun owner conservative,  and he was a liberal.

Well, one night, while walking to his car and was mugged.  He was beaten severely.  I reckin he about as close to dying as anyone I’ve ever seen in my career.  The bad guy apparently thought he had drugs.  When poor Doctor Graves failed to produce the desired pharmicopia right there in the parking lot, he was beat repeatedly with a tire tool. The bad guy broke both his arms and both his legs and locked him in the trunk of his own car.  It was three days before anyone found him.  Everyone thought that this  young doctor doomed.  He spent many days in the ICU.  He eventually got better.  And much to my surprise,  after months of rehab, made a full recovery.

Once Dr. Graves returned to work, he came around the ER nursing station on the first night.  I was expecting his  same liberal  drivel.  Much to my surprise, his talking points had made a slight change.  Lets just say, I had the privilege of selling Dr. Graves his very first firearm.  I also arranged his first firearms safety class for his very own concealed carry permit.   So,  to end my story and to explain my perceived off color comment…  sometimes it takes something really bad to get a liberal to see the light.  Sometimes I even get to witness this  amazing transformation”

Feelin’ Better

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I know it’s not exactly full steam ahead.  I forget this sometimes.  I also forget that, as I get older, I take longer to heal.  I also shirk at the very idea of “wasting time.”   I keep saying to myself, “dammit, I’ve got crap to do, I gotta get out of bed and get moving.”  I slept in and I don’t have much regret over it, I knew I needed to rest, I spent several days in bed earlier in the week with my crazy sick thoughts, and high fever, and sore throat, so yes, rest, when you are sick, it is necessary.

I probably went back to work a little too soon. Yesterday morning I was so tired and elected to stay in bed.  And work, the day before, was not that stressful at all.  I got up only for some soup the whole day.  At around noon, I got up for the morning.  I felt so much better that once I finished up my morning routine, of which I added an extra page of writing–couple pages of notes on another short story, they are piling up.  I even wrote a little addendum to my blog.  I will work a  little more tomorrow to get the ideas out of my head and onto paper.  I will make my new goal to get up sometimes before the sun goes down to go on a long walk.  I have to do my daily work to keep my cardiologist happy.

I made up for the lack of activity by going for an hour-long walk. Of course, I pushed it a little.    I went up the hill  to the Yankton market and had a cup of coffee and a piece of blackberry pie.  A nice goal to a my exercise.

By the time I got back,  I was ready for a nap.

I seriously could have crawled right back into bed. Where the hell did all my energy go?

Oh yeah, I was sick yesterday. I am still a little sick, I am sick as I write this, better yes, but full on healthy, nope. I can feel it in my nose and in my energy level.

I made myself a second bowl of chicken noodle and instead of getting back under the covers I put on my jeans and started my exceedingly long list of chores.

 

When I’m done… if I get through this list today and still feel pretty good.  I think that, with my dinner, I’ll go ahead and get my “flu shot.”

The Best in Feminine Protection

protection

Simply the Best in Feminine Protection

 

Here’s a pic I liked.  A friend of mine, who has spend a lot of time in the Middle East, sent this to me.  There’s been a lot of hoopla in the media circus over gun control  vs. gun rights.   It seems that if there was a battle to be fought on method of “protecting your school children from  deranged gunmen debate,”  it would have already been hashed over a multiple of times over where people are hell bent on killing… like Israel.  I think that they have proven, beyond the shadow of doubt that designated “Gun free zone” doesn’t work.  It leaves everyone as victims.  The enhanced education method where we actually provide gun safety classes and carry permits and allow people to protect themselves seems to work the best there.  They clearly have “open carry” in that country.  I think  a similar system would work here in the US as well.

New Diet

diet

I’ve just discovered a new diet!  Just get a little dose of pneumonia and in a weeks time, you will be at least ten pounds lighter!   Simply amazing.

I’m back to feeling my oats once again.  I climbed out of the bed for the first time in a while, ate some solid food for the first time in a while, took a shower, brushed my teeth, stepped on the scale… yep ten pounds!

If you look hard enough, you still can find a little bit of positive to almost every misfortune or setback!

Nope, not bullet proof

 

Bonnie early years

 

Nurse Bonnie… the early years

 

 

Just when I’m feeling great, getting back into shape, starting to feel my oats once again, mortality smacks me in the face.  I haven’t had the flu or even a cold in… like ten years.  The last time I’ve had the flu, I was in the tenth grade.  I’ve never had a flu shot in my life. So with a record like this, I guess if you laugh at the devil, eventually  you’ll get your due.   Last Friday night, I got sick with the flu.  It tells me, once again, that I’m not bullet proof.  Maybe at fifty years of age, my immunities aren’t what they use to be.  Maybe, some  of the new medications has left me venerable.  Maybe I’ve been just really lucky for the last 25 years.

I went to the  clinic for some Tamiflu.  She also gave me a Rx for a inhaler,  and some cough syrup.  My lovely spouse gave her best nursing care for the last three days.  Lets just say, I’m up to at least 70% normal and I’m ready to go back to work.

 

I haven’t written in a few days.  I haven’t been sick with fever in many years.  It seems that my eyes can’t focus enough to type (or proof for that matter) with anything over 100.8 F.

So What’s wrong with Gun Control?

pow

I had a discussion with a liberal friend in GI lab today.  He said, “I have a gun, I mean,  I’m a gun owner and I still don’t think that Americans should be allowed to own assault rifles. I mean, where do you draw the line?  When do you say enough is enough?”

I say,  you should allow “responsible Americans” to have whatever they want.  If you are proven to be irresponsible, then steps are taken.  It’s just like driving a car.  If you drink and drive, run over school children in cross walks or do anything that is illegal or irresponsible, you will soon find yourself as a pedestrian or in prison.  When some yahoo runs down a pedestrian while in a drunken stupor, no liberal politician screams to ban cars.  They simply punish this idiot to the fullest extent of the law.

 

I just want to say,  when any politician says he wants to talk about gun control to enhance safety for our children,  it’s never about the guns.  It’s all about the control.

 

I told him that I am of an age that my life is nearing it’s end.  I fear for my children and the greatness of this country.  I don’t really care about the guns.  I’ve done machine work.  If I want a gun, I could go out in my shop and make one from scratch.  So,  why is this issue so important to me?  See my last post:   http://anursewithattitude.org/?p=1480

 

And for my liberal and naive friend Adam,  I saw a movie once where in your “ideal society”  where we didn’t need guns and only the police and the military had guns….   It was called “Schindlers List.”

We’ve got a lot of banning to do!

bannedPresident Obama signed a mulltitude of executive orders today to further erode our second amendment rights.  In signing this, he said,  ”if these actions result in only saving one life, they’re  well worth taking.  But I’m convinced we can affect the well-being of millions of Americans and take thousands of people out of harm’s way if we act responsibly.”

Let’s see,  “actions that save only one life are worth taking,”  … huh?  Well then, let’s get to banning.

Banning swimming pools would save many lives.

So would banning football.

How about banning shopping carts?  Hundreds of kids are killed each year in carts.

We need to ban organic food after the e-coli outbreaks. It would save many lives.

Naturally we need to reinstate prohibition.  I mean alcohol kills a lot of people.

We have to ban tattoos. That would save a life here and there.

Traveling must be forbidden.   No private planes, motorcyces, or anything dangeous.

All amusement parks must be close,  even if to save just one life.

Snowmobiles, ATVs, dirt bikes and recreation vehicles must all be banned.

Bicycles must be banned.

Skiing and snowboarding are out.

Marijuana must be re-criminalized in Colorado and Washington.

Backpacking must end.

No more boating if even to save just one life.

I am just getting started. I mean really,  If things must be banned even if it results in saving just one life, we have our work cut out for us.

 

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