I’M FILING FOR DISABILITY
I have what’s now certified as a legitimate “disorder:” the internet.
No kidding. It’s a “disorder.” I mean, I can’t make this stuff up!
On May 22, the American Psychiatric Association will release an updated version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. There are six notable additions to the manual, among them is ‘internet disorder.’
In short, the new classification signals that people who spend a lot of time on the Internet demonstrate the same symptoms as people diagnosed with other addiction disorders.
In case you are worried that you could suffer from this new disorder, here is list of problematic internet use symptoms with which you can inventory yourself:
• Increased time spent on online activities
• Preoccupation or obsession about online activities
• Failed attempts to set boundaries or control behaviour
• Neglecting important tasks such as school, work or spending time with friends or family
• Dishonesty about activities or time spent online
• Decreased sense of achievement or meaningful engagement in online activities (but continuing to do them anyway)
• Increased emotional responses in association with online activities, e.g. guilt, shame, fear, sadness or anger
• Physical changes such as loss of sleep, weight loss or gain, backaches or headaches
• Attention changes, such as difficulty concentrating, trouble remembering or a frequent lack of awareness of time passing
• Disinterest in other activities that they used to enjoy
Check yourself, before you wreck yourself…on the internet.
Given that I spend only 10 minutes a day online to generate all these posts means I satisfy #5. I’m angry at most political issues that I read about on the internet. (#7) I’ve lost 2 pounds. (#8) Before I know it it’s night time again. (#1 and #9) I can’t control myself. (#3) I forget to eat and call my son. (#4) I can’t win at solitaire. (#6)
Excuse me while I call a doctor and file for my $1400 a month.