A Nurse With Attitude

Where Dark Cynical Humor, Nursing Issues, and Politics Seem to Merge

Archive for the month “November, 2013”

God Help Us

GOD HELP US IF IRAN GETS HOLD OF THIS

Tactical Nuclear Penguin Beer

Thanks to Peter Metrinko for sending this

Happy Thanksgiving

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No seriously,  You should  take a few minutes to do what the holiday was originally  meant to do.  That is to take a few brief minutes away from your festivities and pray.   Pray for the things that you have, pray for the loved ones that you have with you.  Pray for those who care for you and for all that is good in this sad evil world.  Take a few minutes to thank God.

Plastic Surgery Day

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I have some fans out there in cyber-world  that fill my box with e-mails.  However, I occasionally forget that not all of my readers are chronic fanatics that read everything I write each and every day.  Some of you are people that just happen to browse through my site totally randomly.  I got an e-mail the other day saying just that…. and that I should explain things a bit more… So here goes.

For those new to my blog, I’m a surgery nurse and my passion is in Neurosurgery, Spine surgery and orthopedic reconstruction.  Unfortunately,  when I get to work, I can’t always pick and choose what I want to do.  Frequently I get in a room that I, not only is well out of my comfort zone, but is a true learning experience.  Today, I was in a plastic surgery room.  I have done this once or twice before, but the plastic service is still clearly not totally in my comfort zone.  That said, the first case was a traumatic removal of a man’s thumb.  If you lose your thumb, you loose 40% of your mobility of that hand.  Just try to grip something without your thumb. Really difficult.   To remedy this problem, we cut off this man’s great toe from his foot and re-attached it to his hand, constructing a new thumb.  It even looked very much like his normal thumb.  Way cool,  and the patient will be really happy and still maintain near total mobility.  A  total learning experience!

   Our next case took the whole rest of the day.  It was a lady with breast cancer.  We did a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction with implants.  The lady even said preoperatively, “hey, I never thought about my breasts, but if I have to get them surgically altered, I want them to look really good… and bigger too.”   I laughed with her and told her that I would do my best to make her happy.

When I got into the room and we were under way,  I brought in the cart with the selection of implants.  The doctor immediately grabbed the largest two.  “We’re putting the 850’s in this lady.”   I took a second look,  “wow, that’s like double – D’s … isn’t it?”  The doctor nodded and said, “well, she said she wanted to go bigger.”   I took another look and continued with the case.  things went well and at noon,  another nurse came in to relieve me for my lunch break. 

  When I got to the lunch room, I sat wit other nurses talking about how their day was going and what they were doing.  I told about my lady and how she was getting some brand new DD breasts.  Two other nurses chimed in,  “I don’t think that’s appropriate… I mean, she’s bending to social pressure and social media in getting large breasts.  If you’re not planning on having babies, there’s really no use for breasts and therefore no need for anything more than what you would normally have.  To do all that reconstruction and implants to boot… is well, a waste of money.  I think that if I had cancer, I’d just get the mastectomy and that’s all” 

I was aghast and although I was not a experienced plastic surgery nurse, I had to defend my case.  “Hey, I don’t want to cut them off, but if a woman has cancer, I think that she should get whatever she needs to feel better about herself and her self image.”  I went on to argue,  ” I don’t agree with high school kids getting breast implants, but …. I’m all in on the idea of breast implants with cancer and especially in this case.”   As usual, with my lunch room debates,  we were at an impasse.  There were several nurses from the surgery team as well as the Recovery/ PACU team that were against me. 

Because of my mental illness,  I let this non-argument bother me.  As with politics, social issues and practically anything where people have differing opinions than myself,  I try to understand  why  they think that way and, it’s wrong, I try to change my own views or get more information to help me change their views.   I got up still thinking about it this morning.   I tried to get an objective opinion and I asked my wife about breasts and breast implants.  She said that they “were a terrible pain and were there only for one reason and that is to attract and maintain the happiness of men.”    After I took a step back, “What?… they are good for other things… surely they are…”   and she said, “well, once your done with having kids, just name one ….   .  .  well,  I’m still waiting…”   I was totally speechless,  I couldn’t name one that didn’t reflect back to her original statement about men. 

I got up this morning still pondering the dilemma of the practical use of breasts … that is,  other than (A)  just because I like to look at them and  (B)  I like to see how they fill out a nice dress.  Which probably is still a different take on (A) again.  Then, while I was looking at all of millions of websites that came up when I Googled “woman’s breasts”  I came upon this one about why it is a wonderful thing to have DD breasts and how they just might have saved this poor woman’s life.  Click onto this article about  DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM.  It was great and supported my argument about why any woman would think it a great thing to have large breasts!

Monday Sarcasm

A German doctor says, “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks.”  A British doctor says, “That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks.”  A Canadian doctor says, “In my country, medicine is so advanced, that we can take a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks.”  An American doctor, not wanting to be outdone, says, ” You guys are way behind…We just took a man with NO brain, made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work.”

Obamacare

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From the White House

Happy Veterans Day

Way to say it, Sarge

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h/t to-Jim Wirecutter

Barnes and Noble

 

Book Store

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The other day, I dropped my wife off at a furniture store.  Moseying around a furniture store listening about what goes with what and “does this color match this” is like having my teeth filed.  I went on to Barnes and Noble to find a book I wanted.  It was the new Charles Krauthammer book “Things That Matter.”  They snotty little girl at the counter said, “well sir, we just don’t have books like that.”  I was mortified.  “Hey, this is number one on the New York Times best seller list… and you don’t have it?”  She continued her attitude,  “no, we don’t carry books with that type of view.”  I was again renewed with amazement. Now I was starting to get angry.  I mean, this is censorship.  A breach in my first Amendment rights.  It makes me wonder if they have “1984” or “Fahrenheit 451, ” if they are going to be so obvious with their censorship.   I couldn’t believe that any, for profit company could be so selective based solely on political view.  She was insistent that “her company” did not carry books that “did not reflect the company’s values.”  So then I asked if I could pre-order the book “Miracles and Massacres” and have it shipped to my house.  The girl looked over her glasses and said in her most snotty voice, “you couldn’t mean that book by Glenn Beck?”

Anyway.  Still angered about my exchange with the book girl,   I continued to browse throughout the store, wasting time until my wife had finished her shopping and I could go pick her up.  Waiting for her call, I remembered that my brother in law had just had a new baby and I strolled over to the children’s section.

I  laughed out loud over this one.  They didn’t have Glenn Beck or Charles Krauthammer, but they had this!

Calling it Quits

 

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This is probably not advisable from my sponsors.  They will most likely pull what little funding I get. I’m surely going to cut my audience considerably with this post.  Oh well,  life sucks sometimes.   I’m seriously considering shutting down the site for good. 

 It was pretty fun at first, but I’m growing tired of hundreds stupid e-mails I get every day.  I’ve gotten e-mails about why I shouldn’t quit working. (not that I ever said that I was going to actually quit).  I have gotten e-mails about how I am “a gun nut.” (although I that I feel that the US Constitution is a not being respected in the least by our politicians) I have even gotten a slew of e-mails about how I  ”disrespect our President,” and conservatives, “Tea Party people,” Libertarians, (and people like me),  “are horrible” for thinking that welfare in this country should be reformed and that people should put in an honest day’s work for the money that they get.   I don’t care what you think,  a Government handout is not considered a job,  nor is it an income that anyone should live off of indefinitely.  I have so many people that e-mail me with comments that don’t even make sense.  I try really hard to answer most of my e-mails.  Well, the ones that are not total kooks.  Many, I don’t even know how to begin to respond. 

 When I started this blog, I assumed that most people were working with, at least at a 6th grade level.  My rationale was that  a lot of people in America read a newspaper on a regular basis.  Be it the New York Times, or The Wall Street Journal, or just some crappy local paper (like the Oregonian), most people still read a little bit for their local news from the paper.  Did you know, in America, that all newspapers currently in print are written at a 6th grade reading level?  True!  This was established as a standard  in the early 70′s.  They figure that they could  capture the broadest audience and also the greatest income this way.  

 Sadly, I discovered that just because most people read at a certain level, they are not thinking at the same level.  Yep, there are a lot of incredibly stupid people in this sad world.  I falsely assumed that everyone reading my mad scribbling were greater then the average intelligence.  I had some disillusionment that I could somehow, draw intellectuals to a discussion of current topics and, possibly make significant changes to the world by changing a one narrow mind at a time.  I was wrong again.  I talk a lot about the military and Afghanistan  because my oldest son was stationed there.  Did you know that 51% of the people in America don’t know the difference between Afghanistan and Australia on a map?  Yep… True! 

 Now I don’t intend to offend, but if you have written me an e-mail lately about gun control,  Obama Care,   or anything about George Bush,  or even how incredibly “handsome” our President is,  you just might be one of the people that I’m talking about.  I’m sorry.  I try to appeal to those who vote.  I also try to talk to those who seem to care about the future of our country and our children.  If you log on to my site when there is a commercial break in your usual MTV show,  “Bad Grampa,” or “Jackass,”  please don’t even bother to send me any e-mails. 

 Please just go and tune back to  MTV, the Kardashians,  Jersey Shore, or whatever drivel you might  be getting from your television. 

 Besides…  What contributions have they made to society that makes them a “must follow” celebrity?  I can’t fathom.  On a side note… Has anyone of you ever seen  Idiocracy the movie.  If you haven’t and you just happen to be part of the 47%, please look it up on Netflix.  It’s meant to be a comedy,  but if you get past the science-fiction part about the military cryogenics experiment, it’s a strangely factual  representation of today’s America.  It’s a good flick for people who typically worry more about the path of our nation than who got “voted off the Island.” 

 I’ve gotten off track and I don’t know where I was going with this crazy rant… other than that I’m tired of putting up with stupid people and I’m thinking about shutting down the website.

Imponderables

 

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Having more time off has gotten me to thinking.  This alone has opened up a whole new can of worms.  Besides that fact that I’m taking classes at Portland Community College to learn something new and also to ward off Alzheimer’s, I seem to be coming up with an ever growing list of things I don’t really  understand.  Most of these questions are of which require and answer beyond descriptors such as assholes, morons,  jerk wads, and  liberals, to name a few.

I’ve been sitting on this list of imponderables for awhile now.

 In no particular order, and added to as time goes on.

  • Women and how they think
  • Putting a turn signal on after using the breaks
  • Tampons on the beach: is that really necessary?
  • Why is there is a tampon in the mall parking lot?
  • Driving too fast in a mall parking lot
  • The light’s green.  When are you going to go, moron!
  • Reading the paper or applying makeup while driving
  • How taking the opposite view of your country can somehow be construed as patriotic
  • ditto with desecrating the  Flag
  • Why things go wonky as soon as the warranty expires
  • Why golf balls are designed to curve to the right
  • How to get a linoleum floor shiny clean
  • Why we have to listen to other people’s conversations when we are trying to work
  • Why big, ugly spiders have to build their webs right near where you walk
  • Why you always get that very web across the middle of your face when you’re walking at night
  • How there can be 200+ channels and not a blessed thing is on but crap like “Jersey Shore”
  • Why liberals constantly undercut the country they say they love
  • Did I mention women?
  • People who get sea sick
  • How a never used room gets dusty
  • People who hate with a deep, personal passion… and yet they have never even met me
  • What you’re thinking that tailgating me will accomplish (other then making me go the posted speed limit)
  • How the extreme environmentalists can’t realize that their crazy actions harm what they are trying to do
  • Why Democrats are always such hypocrites
  • Why Liberals love petitions for everything
  • Why we put up with elected officials who do not really represent us, on either side
  • Why your obsession to clean,  somehow always involves me
  • Is Noah’s Ark really in the mountains of Iran
  • Is the Ark of the Covenant really in a small chapel in Ethiopia
  • How some people have a green thumb using the exact same water and sunlight I do
  • Why programming VCR’s and DVD players confuse some people
  • Why people actually listen to Gangsta Rap and like it
  • Today’s so called “rock” music
  • Why people ask me “se habla espanol?”
  • Why don’t you speak English? Or at least American
  • People who still complain about Bush taking away their civil liberties yet they support Obama and drone killings
  • People who cannot drive a traffic circle
  • Political pundits from either side who do not answer the question asked. Mostly liberals, though
  • People who have to use talking points to discuss anything. What’s the point?
  • People who use coupons at the supermarket on the busiest day possible
  • Having a strong conviction but being unable to back it up
  • Why people like to watch adults playing organized soccer
  • People who do not like hockey
  • Spinner hubcaps
  • Pants that are falling down around ones ass
  • What’s with carrying a towel around?
  • Wearing a baseball cap turned sideways
  • Why the makers of the Miracle Bra haven’t been sued for creating false advertisements. Think about it.
  • People who do not understand the difference between a Theory and a Law
  • Why Christina Aguilera is a “pop diva.” She has finally released her third studio album in seven years.
  • People who get emotional and cry over a football game… or any sport for that matter.

More to be added as time, and idiots, comes.

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