Christmas is Over
New Year’s Resolutions…
Well, it’s that time of the year… again. And we all start in with the “New Year’s Resolutions” that we all try very hard (for the first week) to adhere to. Then we typically fall flat around mid March. I for one, will do my best to keep mine this year. My health hasn’t been that good and, although I try to live life to the fullest, I don’t really want to kack off anytime soon. So, in the spirit of the new year, here’s my list. First off, I think I’m going to avoid ham for a few days. This isn’t really a resolution, but seriously, I think I’m suffering some “ham hangover.” My wife bought a Honey Baked, spiral cut ham for our Christmas-get-together. I wasn’t sure in the beginning, but now I’m sure. I ate way too much ham on Christmas and now I’m suffering for it. So, my first resolution will be to lose weight… and eat less ham.
- Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
- Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
- Stop chewing ice, (the reason for my missing teeth).
- Watch more movie remakes.
- Check my work e-mail account at least a month.
- Keep it to myself that “I have trouble with authority” comment when I’m getting my annual evaluation.
- Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.
- Claim my cat “Todd,” as dependents on my taxes to counterbalance expense of the “Affordable Care Act”
- Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out
- Watch less T.V…. in standard definition
- Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, …because QVC has better specials
- Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield.
- Start a blog about how I would write more often if I had something important to write. Only make one blog entry and leave it published for years
- Only eat the white snow
- Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
- Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush. I will always “check for paper” when leaving the restroom. I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
- I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars. I will no longer waste my time relieving the past and instead I will spend it worrying about the future.
- I will not bore my boss with the same excuse for not working. I will think of some different excuses.
- I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
- I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve water.
- I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.
- I will stop sending e-mails to my wife.
- I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.
- I will not tell the same story at every get together.
- I will learn what the hell “resolution” means.
This a list of what I’d like to do. But as you know, resolutions are terible hard to keep.