A Nurse With Attitude

Where Dark Cynical Humor, Nursing Issues, and Politics Seem to Merge

Everybody Must Get Scanned

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I may have posted this once before.  Or I may not have.  Hell,  at my age,  I can’t remember.

But what the heck… It’s Hump Day Humor !

Here’s a little gem that I found a few years ago.  I don’t know who wrote it.   I found an old ragged copy taped to the glass in our CT department.  While I was waiting for the scan to run it’s course on the head of my patient with un-equal pupils, I jotted it down on a scrap of paper for you.

EVERYBODY MUST GET SCANNED

(Sung to the tune of Bob Dylan’s “Everybody Must Get Stoned”)

They scan you when you fall and bump your head

They scan you when they think you might be dead

They scan you when your pupils are unequal

They scan you when you’ve been beat by ugly people

They work as fast as they can Everybody must get scanned

They scan you when your brains are in your ear

They scan you sometimes only out of fear

They scan you when you crack up your car

They scan you for anisocoria

They do it to help their fellow man

Everybody must get scanned

They scan you when you stop your respiration

To see if you’re going to need an operation

They scan you to see what can be seen

They scan you to pay for the machine

There are better ways to get a tan

Everybody must get scanned

[HARMONICA SOLO, and continued after the fold]

They scan you when you decorticate

To see that you do not herniate

You know they scan all the old timers

To rule out Pick’s and Alzheimer’s Alzheimer’s

Glowin’ in the dark is really grand

Everybody must get scanned

They scan you when your brain bites a bullet

They scan you for a shunt before they pull it

They scan you if you seize or have a spasm

They scan you to locate a neoplasm

It’s the biggest microwave at The Lands

Everybody must get scanned

They scan you if you take a bad fall

They scan you for no reason at all

They scan you to look inside And do it with Metrizamide

It’s all part of the plan

Everybody must get scanned

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