In my profession, I frequently find myself very discouraged. When I was young I wanted excitement, so I got a job in the emergency department. I found it to be difficult, very stressful and frequently heartbreaking. I didn’t realize it in the beginning, but I would see death, pain and suffering on a scale greater than I could ever have imagined. I was weak, and after a few years, I began to question my faith and even the existence of God. This was a very dark time in my life. I saw very bad things and I even took part in some bad things. I saw real evil. Then, out of the blue, while reading a biography on Albert Einstein, I had a realization that somehow renewed my faith. He said, for every power, there is an opposite power. So essentially, you can’t have evil without good. It’s the “yen” to the “yang.” But this still didn’t help me that much in my struggle. I would wonder why a drunk driver would mow down a three year old, or a convicted felon rob a store and in the get-away, shoots a single mother three small children. And this level of tragedy was constant and every day, seven days a week. My faith was suffering and it was killing me. I eventually had to leave the ER. I now work in a much calmer, less-stressful environment. I still have PTSD like visions of the ER. Mostly because I know in my heart that, even though I’m no longer there to witness it personally. I know that these horrors are still there and going strong.
I now work in outpatient surgery and do mostly oncology surgery. I often wonder if I’m doing any good at all. I actually put an application to work at Ace Hardware on Saturday.
I think it’s strange how God works. …
The Starfish Story
A young man is walking along the beach and sees thousands and thousands of starfish washed ashore. A little further, he sees an old man stooping and picking up one starfish after another and tossing each back into the ocean. “Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” he asks.
“Because the sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them further in, they will die.”
The young man said, “but don’t you realize there are miles of beach and many starfish. You can’t possibly save them all. you can’t even save one-tenth of them. In fact, even if you work all day, you efforts won’t make any difference at all.”
The old man listened calmly and then bend down and picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea. “Well, it made a difference to that one.” he said.
I got this bit of encouragement from my friend just today….Thanks Lloyd. It helped a lot.